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True manifesting I believe we all manifest, most of us without realising. It isn't really 'magic', simply thoughts becoming real, driven by our own energy. The type of energy is key: it must be in the positive for good things to happen, or manifest, otherwise – to put it bluntly – the same old shit keeps on happening. I've been consciously addressing my relationship with manifestation because the subject crops up in tandem with tackling unhealthy mindsets and self-limiting beliefs. It helps I've been better at being kinder and more accepting of myself, via all the meditation and 'shadow work'. The signs it's working When you work on manifesting as I'm calling it here, there can be recognisable signs to watch for, one of which I’ve heard described as ‘you feel your spirit soar’. I've come to understand this is what happened to me the first time I attempted painting from deep trance state to discover what would transpire on paper as I switched to my subconscious. The freedom of mark-making On a couple of occasions I had first tested the water by choosing to simply draw, or mark-make, in deep trance. Those times I chose charcoal sticks and paper.  Initial attempt drawing in meditative state When I came out of those sessions and removed the scarf blinkering me, the drawings were of abstract faces, symbolic marks, and indecipherable words of spilling poetry which didn’t resemble my handwriting. One sketch (shown here) could pass for an obscured self-portrait. And the faces appeared to be shouting or screaming. Was this Spirit trying to get through to me, or my own soul shouting at me to listen? Ready to delve deeper Back to my first serious painting attempt I had no expectations and I didn't expect much to happen. And then it did. I recall sitting back, me ‘coming to’ out of trance state, to see two remarkably distinctive paintings of a style I’d never produced, tried or seen myself conjure before. I just stared and stared.  The first experiment in trance painting I was VERY slow to realise something significant had happened, even with the physical recollection of feeling my heart do some kind of internal leap before it began thudding wildly, and my mouth formed a definitive 'O' shape.
Ignition moment Those two A4 paintings, which I titled ‘Inner Focus’ and ‘Release’, switched on my own internal lightbulb. What was this weird, new style of painting that had just been produced by my own hands and from my subconscious? In time I understood that I had indeed felt something – and crucially, I had accessed what was hidden. Whatever I had done by opening up to meditation, to manifestation, by actively starting to change my thought patterns and letting myself create again; I had tapped into something that rose up, from my soul. I had freed it; I had given myself permission. I see now that single experience was very much a case of experiencing my ‘spirit soar’, and a true sign I was not only manifesting what was good for me. My galloping heart told me that much. It was a spark that had been waiting years for me to hover anywhere near with a lit match, for just the right moment to ignite. It was my inner self showing up, coming right out of the darkness and lighting the way to remind me who I am, that this is how I truly heal myself and express who I am. The message was clear, ‘Where had I been all my life?!’ Comments are closed.
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July 2020
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